How The Fuck Did We Get Here?

How the fuck did we get here? I love writing. It is my therapy and has worked better for me more so than other traditional forms of therapy. Before it was writing articles & perspective pieces, it was songwriting. It was one of the few things that I was good at and enjoyed. I hate attention. Absolutely hate it, even if it is good attention. Having all eyes on me makes me very uncomfortable. I would rather blend in with the crowd than stand out. In the past, that’s why I chose to be a studio engineer, songwriter, and producer, behind the scenes, rather than be a performer, front, and center. Another thing I hate is the internet. I think people live so much of their lives through the internet and waste too much time on social media. If I do not like the attention, do not want to be front & center, and hate the internet, why the fuck did I start this blog, Good To You? That’s a good question.

It was December 2020. Coming up on the holidays. I was coming off a good year with a better understanding of myself and where this rollercoaster ride called life was taking me. My resale business did significantly better than past years. It was providing me stability, something I never had before. But I still felt this darkness and emptiness coming over me. A familiar feeling. I was seeing a therapist for 5 years and we ended our relationship abruptly. Couldn’t run to her with my problems anymore. Add that onto the regular bullshit life throws at you. Ducking and dodging it all until the holidays came around. For me, the holidays have been a dark, unpredictable time for a long time. It seems like every year for many years, I struggle with finding happiness during the holidays. Some days I’m genuinely happy. Other days I get reflective and think about all the friends and family I have lost, died, are in jail, or have been killed. Those people rarely leave my mind. It just hits me so much harder around the holidays. The memories with all those people come up more frequently. Thinking about a time when they were all still here. It all hits me like a ton of bricks sometimes, and I have to pull myself out from under the rubble time after time.

Christmas Eve morning comes and I’m in the thick of it. Feeling like shit. What else is there to do but write about it? Some try to act happy when they really aren’t. Others drink it away. Everyone has their own methods of madness to get through the sadness. Whatever works, right? I wrote about what was on my mind at that point: My friend who was killed, in front of me, at 16. The sadness, pain, hurt, loss, trauma, and wishing he was still here. It all came out. 14 years later does not make the hurt any less. I’ve always written about the shit I’ve seen, experienced, and gone thru. The highs. The lows. A lot of times, it came out through songs sung by others. Other times, it just sat in my iPhone notes. Why not put all this shit together into a cohesive thought and get it out? What’s the point of letting it sit? Who else out there will read it and feel the same way I do?

I did not expect much. I did not know what the fuck I was doing. Writing is the easy part. Editing and putting something together that is quality is a lot harder. Fuck the details. I enjoy the process. You all seem to enjoy the writing, at least most of it. I expected a few people to read what I or any other contributor to this site had to say. Hopefully get something from it. But I cannot believe how many of you enjoy reading what the fuck we have to say every week. We aim to be entertaining, raw, & provide our perspective. We aren’t a site you should spend all day browsing through and get nothing from. We aren’t social media. If you are going to be on the internet, I’m glad you chose to visit Good To You. Spread whatever shit you learn, take away from reading, or whatever else you get from this site throughout your real life. How the fuck did we get here? A lot of trial and error. Ups and downs. Not knowing what the hell we were doing. But we are here!! Thank you for being here!!

See you in 2022 motherfuckas!!!

-Happy New Years from Brian and the rest of Good To You