Thoughts Of A Manic Depressive
"She was a manic depressive, which was impressive"- Mickey Avalon. I'll keep it short but not too fucking sweet. Here are some random thoughts and observations that seem to not be able to escape me lately.
Some people in your life only care about you because they care about who you are with, so they inherently must care about you.
Think about it, it’s true right? Would your significant other's friends’ talk to you if you two broke up? Probably not. If they saw you in public, they most likely would not even acknowledge your presence. At the most, you might get a “Hi, how are you?” But, they will send your ex a text to tell them they saw you though. Don’t worry, if the shoe was on the other foot, men would act the same way about their friend. Or they might try to fuck you. You can be cordial, have good conversation, and be respectful to your partner's friends. Or even their family. You can have a connection and a good time with them when they are around. All with the understanding that even by doing that, these are NOT truly your friends. You are dating their friend. They almost have no choice but to be around you. Tolerate you. Hear your thoughts, feelings, and opinions. But do they actually care about you as a person, how you feel, or your general wellbeing? 90% of the time, the answer is no. In the end, they care about you because they care about your significant other. So, inherently, they have to care about you. It’s a guilty by association type of thing. It's like a friend but with an asterisk. Remember that.
Editor's Thoughts: Like an inherited friend or a surrogate friend but when you take the connecting piece away, the train goes off the tracks quick huh?
For most people, no matter how much you do for them, it is never enough.
It does not matter if it’s family, your partner, or even your kids, I can apply my well researched hypothesis to just about any human and society in general. Society is never satisfied with how your life is going. Their opinion does not matter? You are right, it doesn't. But does that not make this observation true? Say you are with somebody long enough but not married; society asks “Why aren’t they married?" or "When will they finally get married?” When you get married, then society asks, “When will they have kids?” And if you happen to only have one kid, most people will ask when you are having another. When it comes to your wife, is she ever completely satisfied with how life is going? Or does she want a bigger house, a newer car, and another bag to add to her collection? What about your husband? Does he want to have sex more even when you fuck him all the time? Does he expect more from you even though you work hard too? Does what you do for him seem like it is never enough? Personally, my partner and I are lucky enough to take multiple trips a year because we both work our asses off. In general, I put a lot of time, effort, and planning into taking her places she has never experienced or been to before. Yet, as the years go on, friends, family, coworkers, and many others get more persistent with the “Where’s the ring?” talk. As if a shiny ring is more important than experiencing new things and gaining a deeper connection with each other through travel, music, and shared experiences. Oh wait, I forgot that materialistic bullshit means more to most people than life experiences. The point is, even though you give somebody everything you have, usually it’s not enough. Whether it’s not enough to them, the people around them, or to society, it’s never enough.
Editor's Thoughts: People who are single or have been in toxic, shitty relationships love to do this.
You should die knowing that 99% of the people who knew you did not give a fuck about you or that you died, even if they act like they do. Over time, they will end up forgetting about you.
Sure, some family and friends will be deeply affected. Maybe it will be your kids, your partner, your siblings, or your closest friends. But most people who met you throughout your life will not give a fuck. They might act like they do. Post about you on social media with “R.I.P.” and a memory from 10 years ago that only popped into their head because you died. They give you your flowers after you are gone, yet they did not seem to ever express these sentiments to you when you were alive. What’s real cold is as time passes, the memory of you starts to fade. Enough time passes that your life becomes just a moment in time. People slowly begin to forget about you. I watched it happen over & over with friends and family who died. Only a few people will keep your memory alive. Don’t get me wrong, dwelling on somebody’s death for years will fuck up your life. I was stuck in that personal hell for a long time. But, to forget about somebody you “loved”, “connected with”, and “cared about” almost entirely? How could you? While it still baffles me, it’s something that I have accepted is a part of people’s coping mechanisms and moving on in general, even if that means forgetting completely. If it is not a coping mechanism, then that person probably did not care about you as much as you thought they did. The only good thing about it all is that you are dead. You will never even know that they forgot about you or how they truly felt.
I feel like as I learn and observe society more, I understand the world even less. I understand the inner workings, the way society thinks, and operates. But some of the ways of the world and aspects of human nature still completely baffle me.
