Why So Gray?
As people are together longer and longer, I realize in candid conversations, most people seem to downplay or paint this gray brush over their relationship. They paint a brush as if this relationship is present, it’s constant, but like it is just that and nothing more. To me, being a loner, seeing, being, connecting with someone is an everyday adventure. I don’t care how long I have been with you, you are an adventure, I’m intrigued, you broke through a million walls to get to see all of me, the good, the evil, the bad, so now I treat this rollercoaster ride with somebody like there’s a world of possibilities.
People fall into autonomy. They fall into a routine with a “this is how it is” type of attitude with relationships. Why? Does the relationship just become this steady stream of rinse, wash, and repeat? Is it because they are a pessimistic person in general? Does being with somebody long enough breed complacency? Is there a social element to it where they might be looking for a stronger social connection with others? New social connections because they have had this long running connection that’s been so constant it is just another thing that is reduced to being present and there. Overall, it seems like long term relationships tend to be minimized in conversation (and in people’s minds) over time.
That’s not how a loner (or at least this one) feels. We feel free, connected deeply to someone, ready to seek adventure, dive deeper into someone, and dive into their soul no matter how long we’ve known them. That was a lot but that’s love, kids. Instead of running away, hiding in the darkest, deepest corners of our mind, and in our dark thoughts, we become an open book. This person opened us up, formed a bond with us, and after so many years of feeling & being alone, learning to be comfortable with being alone, we finally connected. Connected with somebody. Connected with something. We found something we weren’t looking for, something we didn’t expect to happen, and it’s an explosion of feelings most so called “loners” have never felt. We do not take what we have for granted.